Revelations

“Holding Space” … What Space are We Holding for Our Children?

This is not a cohesive writing…it is quite literally the notes and ramblings of a mother’s mind…
a compilation of “Dear Diary” entries, if you will…

Your Own Soul

This writing came to me in October of 2017 after just beginning the Awaken the Healer Within course on mother’s intuition with Mallory McClelland. I planned to post it once it was finished on my website…but that website never has been finished. Neither was this writing, although I have worked on it off and on for about 10 months now. I’m thinking it’s appropriate to go ahead and put my unfinished thoughts thus far out into the universe on this unfinished website. LOL! It may lead me to my audience, people that will “get” me, how I tend to think in general, and perhaps it will attract those that resonate with how I view the world, my never ending open thinking, etc. I can always welcome more friends to talk “woo” with. Ha! I hope it may reach some folks that could find a new perspective beneficial. There’s more to come for this writing, it just hasn’t shown up yet. Every time I sit down with this, my mind begins spinning with new thoughts relative to the topic. I really want to finish it but I think it is going to be an ongoing evolution of thought, so here it is. The current words may need to be adjusted, as this post consists pretty much of the raw thoughts as they entered my awareness. My mind is also spinning on my kiddo specifically. I want to leave her alone. I really am reaching this point that I’m feeling like it’s time to stop intervening and start with a fresh slate and see what shows up. I’m sure she will need supports at some point to facilitate her body to do what it’s ready to do next, but for now I feel like we are coming to a halt. But, I’m also tired as hell of all the regimens, programs, food prep, etc etc so am somewhat struggling to trust my judgement because I feel I’m so ready to be done that it could be influencing my reading of my intuition…  Continue reading ““Holding Space” … What Space are We Holding for Our Children?”

Recipes, Simplifying Life

Easy Peasy Instapot Infant Food

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Yesterday I was working from home and it suddently dawned on me that my child was out of prepped meals!!! Eeeeek! It was almost lunchtime and I hadn’t even began looking at recipes to create an ingredients list and go shopping. So, what’s a mom to do?

I might add here that my babe is 5, just learning to self-feed and we have gone back to purees recently as she has shown an interest in self-feeding. Since we now know she is able to self-feed we wanted to establish that expectation that she can and will. So in recent weeks I have been pureeing her meals to a thick, sticky consistency that she can keep on the utensil and safely eat without worries of airway aspiration or occlusion. Super excited to share that she has now independently self-fed every meal for the past 3 weeks!!  Once this habit is solidly established we will return to chewing foods for meals, but only doing chewing stuff for snack time during this transition. It’s recipes like this one that are my life-saver so I wanted to share for my foodie mommas following my blog 🙂 Please share with the mommas you know that would appreciate this post!

I began searching the pantry, fridge and deep freeze to see what I had on hand. I had brown rice, grassfed beef, spinach and some nuts. Sounds like a great well-rounded combination! Ha! I began throwing ingredients (including a frozen chunk of local grassfed beef) into the Instapot. 40 minutes later…voila!! The recipe is to follow 🙂

Place the following ingredients into the Instapot (all organic ingredients), set on high pressure for 40 minutes. Allow to cool and puree in food processor, adding broth or water as necessary to proper consistency for your child’s needs.

1.5 lb local grassfed ground beef
2 cups brown rice
Container of greens (I used spinach, probably 3 cups or so)
3 cups of beef broth
6 garlic cloves
1 onion, cut into rings
Handful of raw walnuts
Appx 3 tbsp hemp hearts and 3 tbsp chia seed ( I just grabbed some and threw them in)
Salt and season to taste

Point of this post: Keep it simple, silly! Don’t overthink it…just throw some real food in a pot and get to cooking!

Encouragment, Revelations

The Trenches of Caregiver Burnout

This is where I’m at today (see first video below)…it’s been some days actually. Caregiver burnout/fatigue is a very real, very intense and very tough spot to be in. I’m feeling called on to reach out to the other mommas and let you know that I see you. I feel you.

If you’re not a parent in those shoes, please reach out to one you know and ask what you can do for them. It may be a hour of playing with their kid so they can breathe and recharge. It may be reorganizing their pantry. It may be bringing a meal. It may be conquering a shopping errand. It may be picking up a kid and dropping them off at school so they can sleep in after being up til 3 am with a screaming child or catching up on things that they couldn’t accomplish while caregiving. It may be watching their kid for 30 minutes while they take a shower in peace versus trying to rig the shower curtain so their kid can see them from the highchair that mom drug into the bathroom so they aren’t freaked out screaming the whole time while also not covering the floor in water from the shower curtain being open. It may be prepping some food for their kid. It may be picking up diapers because they can’t carry the big boxes and their child out of the pharmacy with no help. It may be offering to watch their kiddo so they can spend time with their other children so they actually feel like they still have a mother 😭 It may be calling to ask if they’ve stopped to feed themselves today and if not, offer to drop something by to them. There are many many little things you can do that are very big for these parents. We are bombarded with piles of paperwork, follow ups, home visits, therapies, supplement and medication schedules, emergency response protocols, IEPs and advocating for our child’s needs from any possible resource even if it takes 8 months, or two years in one circumstance for my girl. Many days we can’t breathe and it’s hard to even try to paint the picture to anyone of the struggles unless they’ve been there bc your mind is just toast. Furthermore, it’s not possible to document all we do outside of typical motherhood. I assure you, they would appreciate some help but it’s hard to even know what/who to ask for. Call and offer something. Anything. What’s picking up a grain of rice to you likely will feel like moving a mountain to them. That takes the decision fatigue out of the equation for them if they don’t have to try to process what all needs done and pick one of the 1800 things for that day. I often am in “I don’t care mode” and my brain can’t even process all that needs to be done that can’t be gotten to, much less isolate one thing to ask someone else to do it.

Gratitude. This song represents gratitude to me. Speak gratitude. Speak gratitude. Speak gratitude. I’m not a fan of organized religion, but this song moves me and helps me find the place to be thankful in the chaos. Mommas (and daddies), I hope this song brings you to a place of gratitude on the worst days.

And this song brings me to a place of not only accepting the challenge with open arms, but requesting to go deeper. There’s only one way to get through the tough stuff…to get to the other side.  I can’t tell you how many times I have sang this song at the top of my lungs while tears poured from my eyes. There has to be purpose in this…there has to be. One of my favorite phrases is “You have been assigned this mountain to show others it can be moved.” Let’s move that mountain, mommas!!

Advocacy, Health Education

Fluoride Intro for Schools and Families

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One of my children was given fluoride varnish yesterday against my wishes. I wanted to share my correspondence with the school in case anyone else is moved to educate the directors of their child’s school. I am hopeful that the school will no longer offer varnishing as a result of the education provided. This isn’t a “service” any school should offer, in my opinion. So, although unfortunate that my child suffered an exposure, I hope at least something positive is going to come of it for all the children.

Xxxxx, thank you for your time and concern yesterday afternoon in the matter that the Health Department orally administered fluoride varnish to Xxxxx without my consent. I am even further appalled that she told them that her mom would not like this and she was sure I didn’t sign up for it and they continued to proceed. As a nurse, I cannot even believe that this did not throw a red flag to those administering the varnish. Actually, I’m sure it did…apparently they just feel the laws of the state of Xxxxxx don’t apply to them. Absolutely unacceptable on any terms at any time. I will be following up with the Health Department to discuss the incompetency of their staff, unsafe administration of medical products with potential serious side effects and complete disregard of the form I signed NOT consenting in the fall. I did not give consent today either. Why would I want the second dose if I didn’t want the first? I would never give consent for such a toxic substance to be placed in my child’s mouth, especially not one that accumulates in tissue and has been correlated with negative consequences in the body. Thank you for your assistance in helping me determine who I need to be following up with regarding health department staff education on proper procedure in assuring parental consent is obtained prior to administration of a medical intervention or procedure on a minor. I am including a few resources to follow. There are plenty…this just represents a small fraction of resources available on the health concerns of fluoride exposure.  Continue reading “Fluoride Intro for Schools and Families”

Revelations

It’s a Celebration!!

Today. March 5. One year of no seizure activity. None in the day. None at night. And my favorite…no tonic clonic. 🎉🎉🎉

I thought we were in the clear, I had let my guard down. Then it came with no warning. This time one year ago we were in the hospital…she had an early afternoon seizure that lasted somewhere between 6-8 minutes. I’m not sure how long she was seizing before I saw her. She was napping. Possibly anywhere up to 2-3 mins so that’s why I’m unsure of the duration. Unless you’ve experienced it, you can’t fathom what a lifetime it feels like watching your child convulsing while gasping for air, foaming at the mouth and turning blue knowing there is not a thing you can do but wait for paramedics to arrive. She seized all the way to the hospital in the ambulance, was still having a seizure upon arrival and still activity over an hour after it started at which time they administered meds via IV to stop them…but the first dose didn’t work so she received another. I thought we were going to lose our baby that day. And I thought for hours after that she had lost function we would never gain back again. Talk about an exaggeratedly long, odd and petrifying postictal period. The weeks to come involved arming ourselves with tools like seizure cams, seizure protocols, seizure bags with rescue devices and meds, oxygen tanks and pulse oximeters. Never again will I be unprepared should I need those tools.

Most of you have no idea this even happened. I couldn’t bring myself to relive it to talk about it. I had this whole post about this I was working on in preparation of today, but I can’t finish it just yet…at some point maybe I’ll get around to sharing the depths of how this event changed me, how it robbed me energetically, emotionally and spiritually for months, wounded me with PTSD and how I’ve been gradually breaking free from the claws of fear…it’s been a journey no doubt. It will be part of my healing journey to finish writing about it. Hug your healthy babies tonight. I’m hugging mine 💗