“Holding Space” … What Space are We Holding for Our Children?

This is not a cohesive writing…it is quite literally the notes and ramblings of a mother’s mind…
a compilation of “Dear Diary” entries, if you will…

This writing came to me in October of 2017 after just beginning a course on mother’s intuition with Mallory McClelland. I planned to post it once it was finished on my website…but that website never has been finished. Neither was this writing, although I have worked on it off and on for about 10 months now. I’m thinking it’s appropriate to go ahead and put my unfinished thoughts thus far out into the universe on this unfinished website. LOL! It may lead me to my audience, people that will “get” me, how I tend to think in general, and perhaps it will attract those that resonate with how I view the world, my never ending open thinking, etc. I can always welcome more friends to talk “woo” with. Ha! I hope it may reach some folks that could find a new perspective beneficial. There’s more to come for this writing, it just hasn’t shown up yet. Every time I sit down with this, my mind begins spinning with new thoughts relative to the topic. I really want to finish it but I think it is going to be an ongoing evolution of thought, so here it is. The current words may need to be adjusted, as this post consists pretty much of the raw thoughts as they entered my awareness. My mind is also spinning on my kiddo specifically. I want to leave her alone. I really am reaching this point that I’m feeling like it’s time to stop intervening and start with a fresh slate and see what shows up. I’m sure she will need supports at some point to facilitate her body to do what it’s ready to do next, but for now I feel like we are coming to a halt. But, I’m also tired as hell of all the regimens, programs, food prep, etc etc so am somewhat struggling to trust my judgement because I feel I’m so ready to be done that it could be influencing my reading of my intuition… 

“A particle exists in a fuzzy state of uncertainty…but only until it is observed. As soon as someone looks at it and takes its measurements, the particle seems to collapse into a definite location.” Now what if we change the words a fuzzy state of uncertainty to an undefined state of limitless potentials?

I find this a fascinating conversation to have. I am aware of this theory in quantum physics, but sometimes my head spins when I relate it to holding space for something/someone. It’s hard to “get” this with our educated/trained logical minds. For example, I have in the past repeatedly observed and measured my child as having special needs, as being challenged, as needing my ongoing assistance to create a new reality for her. When we do that do we not subconsciously hold the space for them to continue to be defined that way? What if we lose that label and simply see her as a child? Once the universal consciousness of all of us observing and defining her in that space dissipates and is replaced by observation of a simply beautiful, fascinating, and happy child, do the dynamics of her existence potentially change? Are we holding an expectation over her that in essence traps her physical body in a challenged state? This provokes further thought into the science behind the “Biology of Belief” and prayer (universal consciousness). If one believes and envisions themselves healing and even more so if others are joining them in that belief, the new dynamic is being observed and defined in the mind, thus making it the new reality.  Feelings of doom and beliefs in a death sentence or degenerative or hopeless outcome due to a diagnosis can also manifest in the same ways. How do our kids view themselves when they know we are always trying to “fix” something in them and/or seeking out others who can “fix” them? How does this affect their belief system when we are subconsciously continuously telling them they are broken? How does this then impact their physical body and their limitations or lack thereof? What if we shift our focus to listening to our intuition, hearing them and then providing their needs in that moment in time…and just be with them in the meantime and while we are providing the needs they clued us in on? With our neurotypical children, we don’t view it as “fixing” their hunger or stomach pangs when they need to eat. We think of it as being a mother and nurturing our children by meeting their physical needs. Helping our atypical children along their path is no different at the core. We are simply striving to provide their physical needs. What if we quit viewing it as “fixing” but rather “nurturing”?

You do not have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body.

“And here let me interrupt the conversation to remark upon the great mistake of teaching children that they have souls. The consequence is, that they think of their souls as of something which is not themselves. For what a man has cannot be himself.”

Now watch this video to follow…if we quit “observing” and “measuring” our children’s growth and development, if we quit trying to alter their path and see what “fixes” what, etc but rather find a way to simply be in the present with them, to truly be with them on a soul level without all these defining goals and behaviors, let them tell us what they desire, need, etc do we allow them to have the freedom without observation and the “waiting for it” to manifest into their highest self, their highest potential, etc? Can we just be present and marvel at who they come to be, what they accomplish, etc that completely boggles our logical minds–and in the meantime, listen intently and simply provide what they tell us they need vs always trying to “fix” them? Maybe our perception of “normal” is just simply not who they chose to be in this life. Or maybe it is, but are we blocking it with all of our measurements and observations? Is it possible to remove ourselves from this “sciency” observation state we perpetually exist in? Is it plausible that in doing so we may set our children free?

Two more articles that came to my awareness in the weeks to follow my initial ramblings:

“What we view as our physical material world isn’t material or physical at all, it’s far from it. In a physical world, it has long been believed that small material particles, which are the building blocks of our reality lie at the core of everything. Quantum physicists started recognizing that everything in the Universe is composed of energy. They concluded that physical atoms are composed of vortices of energy that are continually vibrating and spinning, each one radiating its unique energy signature.”
Physicists Claim that Everything around Us Is Made Up of Energy and Reality Is Not Actually What We Think It Is <broken link removed-site no longer exists-original source redacted due to what now appears to link to malicious software>

“Quantum physicists discovered that physical atoms are made up of vortices of energy that are constantly spinning and vibrating, each one radiating its own unique energy signature. Therefore, if we really want to observe ourselves and find out what we are, we are really beings of energy and vibration, radiating our own unique energy signature -this is fact and is what quantum physics has shown us time and time again. We are much more than what we perceive ourselves to be, and it’s time we begin to see ourselves in that light. If you observed the composition of an atom with a microscope you would see a small, invisible tornado-like vortex, with a number of infinitely small energy vortices called quarks and photons. These are what make up the structure of the atom. As you focused in closer and closer on the structure of the atom, you would see nothing, you would observe a physical void. The atom has no physical structure, we have no physical structure, physical things really don’t have any physical structure! Atoms are made out of invisible energy, not tangible matter.”

Nothing Is Solid & Everything Is Energy – Scientists Explain The World of Quantum Physics

I keep being pointed back to this, repeatedly. I mean, I’ve read about quantum theory for a few years but it’s so “in my face” the last few weeks. I have to figure out what this is pointing to…it’s relative to my child. I do know that. Think about this…atoms are not physical, rather vortices of energy…atoms make up molecules, molecules make up cells, cells make up organs and tissue, including neurological. Our organs and tissue make up our physical body…nothing more than a physical manifestation of compact energy in one space. Therefore, in order to allow the space for my daughter to be all she ever desires do I not just need to create the space of limitless potential for her? Do I not just need to be present with her in an energetic and spiritual sense and allow all her little vortices of energy to have the freedom without limitations or expectations or observations to be what they want to be and operate how they want to operate? Sounds so simple, but also so complex in the sense of wrapping my head around the fact that she is a being of energy, plain and simple. In order for me to apply this principle in actuality, I feel like I have to figure out how to block those from her energy field that are holding the “disability” space for her. It’s not feasible to physically remove from her life all people that don’t see her with limitless potential. I do feel we are approaching the time to nix all therapies and just let her take her own journey. Every time we have taken a few months off of therapy she’s made tremendous progress. Is this why? Because she’s not surrounded multiple times daily with people not viewing her as limitless, but rather as limited? Surrounding her by those trying to “fix” her? Why do I keep going back to therapies? Because it’s what we do, right? We. Have. To. Do. Therapy. [insert hypnotic trance-like voice here] Granted, she now only has 5 hours of therapy per week vs the 14 she did have, but am I still placing these limiting “needs” on her?

I’m thinking out loud here…perhaps I need to individually evaluate each of her therapists and how they interact with and view her. The way the people she interacts with view her and think of her is oh so powerful…watch this clip of the following video of Bruce Lipton, PhD, to understand just how powerful our mind is in our physical body. I can’t encourage you strongly enough to watch this…at least 10 mins or so from the point where I have it set to start. Absolutely profound. Absolutely life-changing to have this deep understanding. Now, how do we know and understand that our babes are quite literally little bundles of energy manifesting into human form? How do we stop seeing the presenting physical manifestations as fixed and a permanent battle?

This isn’t just about my kiddo…I feel there’s something here that I’m supposed to be sharing broadly on how so many of us parents see our kids and their potential and how that can profoundly impact the journey, outcome, etc. I have to quiet the noise somehow and allow the “gist” of it to come through…more to come on this at some point. For now, though, some background on our personal situation and an update:

When the mind shift began ~ 08/18/17 ~ My mother shared a pic from my daughter’s first day of PreK with a colleague (keep in mind that she works at the state school for the severely disabled). Her response was, “Where is the child with special needs?” I agree. It’s like Where’s Waldo…you don’t see that child unless you know who you’re looking for. I am working on losing that term from my vocabulary and seeing her through a different lens. I don’t want to hold space for that label. That’s also relative to why I changed the name of the group…at one point the original name, “Braelyn’s Journey to Independence and Beyond” held space for independence someday…now it just feels like holding space for some possibility that it won’t happen. It will. I no longer have any doubt and no longer need that mantra. We’ve evolved beyond that in this journey. Now, it’s just a beautiful journey to witness…as such, it was appropriate to change the name. My sweet girl is so amazing. It has been such a blessing to have been able to witness and facilitate this process. It’s come with a fair share of challenges but it’s forever changed my outlook on life, taught me to always have gratitude, that anything and everything is possible and I am a different person and a better version of me because of our sweet Brae. Thank you to everyone who has been there along the way to help us find and/or stay on our path. I know you didn’t show up in our lives by accident…and I thank God everyday for all the little breadcrumbs 🙏🏼

Where we are now ~ 8/18/2018 ~ My daughter has made incredible strides over the past year. Interestingly enough, it dawned on me this week that so much progress has occurred from that point when I began to really focus on how to shift how I view her and how we spend her days. I didn’t realize until this writing came up in conversation for the third time in a few weeks that the timelines correlated. Those thoughts from months ago that I shared above relative to ditching her therapies, etc? We did that. She had therapy a bit in school until mid May but no outside therapies. She didn’t do summer school and ESY. We quit doing her NACD program and let her just be a kid. We did ZERO therapies over the summer. And guess what? She has thrived, developmentally speaking. We have played just like we did when my neurotypical kids were developing…reading stories, playing games, going for walks, visiting nearby lake beaches, going to outdoor events at band stages and dancing. And guess what has happened? She’s picked up so many random things that typical kids pick up when they are allowed to experience typical things. She’s napped when she needed a nap, played when she wanted to play, watched movies when she wanted to chill. It’s been her summer and it’s been beautiful. Listening to your intuition of what your kids really need is so empowering. So empowering.

I no longer refer to my daughter as disabled when I need to describe our situation. I say she has faced (note the past tense) a variety of health challenges. I no longer say my child is nonverbal. I say she is preverbal with emerging language. I don’t refer to my daughter as the diagnosis in her medical records. In fact, if specifically asked by someone, I still don’t generally share the diagnosis. I state she has a unique genetic arrangement if I feel compelled to answer something. The phrase “unique genetic arrangement” versus “rare chromosomal disorder” carry vastly different energies. Words. Are. Powerful…not only in the minds of those you speak to, but in your mind as well. Creating a mind shift means changing your words, your actions, your subconscious thoughts. That’s how daily affirmations work in your life…shifting the subconscious. How can we shift our subconscious when we constantly refer to our child as their diagnosis…especially if the words themselves carry a negative energy in general? We are holding that space in our own minds, and thus our child’s mind, that they are less than, not enough, or broken.

I no longer put her picture in the cute little “rare disease” digital frames for awareness. Awareness can be achieved without permanently attaching a label to my child in the mind of everyone she knows and then some she doesn’t…collective consciousness is a very powerful thing and it can be just as detrimental as it can be beneficial.  I’m even considering dropping my own label…”special needs mom”. I’m ready to return to “just a mom”…anyone else?

Please comment below any input you have on this topic — I’d love to keep the conversation going!!

Much love on your new journey paving the path to healing!!
xo ~ Rachel

Copyright 2018 ~ Rachel Bangert, BSN, RN of A Mother’s Promise Health Services, LLC